Yes, I believe my last Musings had that, i.e. the fall of Krazy Kelsey. What I didn’t have, however, was given the choice between Krazy Kelsey and the Too Problematic for Cosmopolitan Victoria F., that the ever-predictable Pushover Peter would once again speed through all the warning signs and continue to chase the deranged Victoria F.
Let’s revisit the hometown visits to see how we got there.
Hannah Ann (Knoxville). [cue Donny Osmond Puppy Love]. Peter’s response to Hannah Ann’s note to him was to write one of his own to her.
This is cute, if by cute you mean like 7th grade.
Uh, was anybody else as concerned about this during the axe-throwing date?
The Skeptical Dad is a classic Bachelor trope and Hannah Ann’s dad did not disappoint.
Pushover Peter created a particularly prickly problem by popping the L-word on a pleased Hannah Ann over her dad’s protestations unless he really meant it. By “meant it” I’m guessing Dad meant Peter “hadn’t already dropped the L-word on another 23-year old Southern brunette cutie”. Oops.
Kelsey (Des Moines). [cue Steve Perry It Won’t Be You] How appropriate that they went on a wine-making date given that Kelsey always seems to have a glass of wine in her hand. How not so cute that they made a wine called Peter and Kelsey. My review of it is that it’s poorly balanced, rather acidic, and has a harsh after-taste. 🙂
At the family dinner, Peter was treated to Kelsey’s mom’s special Crab Rangoon. I’m not saying it couldn’t have been good. As someone who lives close enough to the Chesapeake Bay to take crab seriously, I’m just curious as to which nearby Iowa body of water supplied the crab.
Also, we now know where Kelsey gets her wine habit from.
You knew Kelsey was in trouble when she was the first one to drop the L-word and Peter could not have had a blanker stare before responding with a feeble, “I can see a future with you.” By “future”, he meant until the next rose ceremony.
Madison (Auburn). [cue Sweet Georgia Brown] I’m not gonna lie. I think she’s adorable and the whole hoops-themed date with cameos by NBA legend Charles Barkley and Auburn men’s coach Bruce Pearl, as well as Peter’s general ineptitude handling the rock had this lifelong hoop fan at hello. But it’s so clear from the family visit that there are significant lifestyle differences between Madi and Peter that may be irreconcilable. To that point, Dad pointed out that Madi is “pure” and has “standards” that he doesn’t think she’s willing to deviate from. It also makes me wonder why she let their relationship get this far. It appears from the previews that those differences are finally going to clash in a possible shoes-on-the-other-foot reprise of Luke P. and Hannah B.
Victoria F. (Virginia Beach). [cue Nelly Furtado Maneater] This date had all kinds of problems, because, well, Victoria F. And all kinds of other stuff. Gotta give it up to the producers for sending the lovebirds to yet another concert with a country singer – this time Hunter Hayes (instead of Chase Rice) singing of all things – drum roll – I Want Crazy. While wildly singing along, how did Peter not see the irony? Or the freaking truth???
But I have an issue. They’re in Virginia Beach and the producers couldn’t get Missy Elliott, Timbaland or Pharrell Williams who are all from that area? Hip-hop can’t get no love in Bachelor Nation?
Somehow during what appeared to be their date, Peter’s mysterious ex “Merissa” shows up to throw mysterious shade on Victoria F. about being something of a mysterious wrecker-of-other-people’s relationships. How, when and to whom she did all this was never said. It’s still something of a mystery. And was anybody else wondering where Victoria was when this was happening?
Wouldn’t it be great if this is who “Merissa” really is?
Just as they were about to meet the family, Peter confronts her about the alleged shade and Victoria F. goes all Victoria F. bonkers on him which means there were two less servings of whatever Mama Victoria F. had made for dinner.
After spending some time to think things over alone, Pushover Peter meets back up with her, accepts her gaslighting and finds his way to backtracking on everything and offering an apology. There was also some weird stuff about how things between them are great 99% of the time but that he’s terrified by the possibility that they can’t manage that other 1%. Meanwhile the rest of us are thinking he’s got his numbers reversed.
The drama in last week’s previews oversold this episode a bit (as always) but could be giving us a slow rolling boil to a big finish. What will Madi do? What more will Victoria F. do? How will Pushover Peter respond? What kinds of notes will Hannah Ann and Peter share after a night in the Fantasy Suite?
[cue Carly Simon Anticipation]
P.S. Madi, I beg you. Please rid yourself of this man.
 And by “choice” I mean who was left after he passed over Kelly, Lexi, Natasha and the black girl with the great hair.
 Eight “p” words in one sentence. So proud of my alliterative proficiency.
 Producer, music and background vocals on the aforementioned Maneater.