Where Are We Now?

Instead of my usual madcap recap, I want to devote this entry to taking stock by answering a single question: where are we now?

The Contenders:

  • Ivan – got a Group Date Rose.
  • Ben – serious sparks between he and Tayshia, amirite?
  • Noah – who crashed a group date and still got a Group Date Rose, as well as a shave.
  • Brendon – who, like Tayshia, had an unsuccessful early marriage.

The Dark Horse? Could it be Zac? I think this is a friend-zone situation but it’s still early in the game.

Who is this guy? Wall Street Dude whose role appears to me to be very scripted. He always seems to show up to break some kind of tension or be set up (?) by the producers to look the opposite of his caricature of a privileged/yuppie/Harvard/Wall Street archetype. Maybe we’re being set up by the producers for some kind of surprise hot romantic moment with he and Tayshia. Or maybe he’s just here because they had to script in 30 guys who could make for good TV. I don’t know. I neither like nor dislike him. I just don’t understand him.

Snitch and Snitched On. [Cue Michael Jackson Beat It] Chasen and Ed have fulfilled their Bachelor franchise roles of Person Not Here for the Right Reasons and Tattletale Who Can’t Help But Tattle, respectively. It’s time for them both to go. Was there anybody else screaming in horror at your TV along with My Daughter Diandra and I when Tayshia gave Ed and then Chasen roses? Seriously??? These two can’t be gone soon enough.

The New Villain. Beside the fact that they’re both annoying, the reason Chasen and Ed need to go is because a more interesting scoundrel has begun to show his colors in the form of Noah, those colors being the ends justify the means. The guys already detest him. [cue Elton John Social Disease]

Tayshia. Well, she’s some kind of “muy caliente” “smokeshow[1]” according to Chasen. This choice of pet words is exactly why he needs to be legally required to socially distance himself from all females.

I’ll just go with stunningly beautiful with an amazing wardrobe to match. Unlike Clare the Chaos Queen, she knows how to put outfits together and is self-aware enough to know what she looks good in. As the kids say these days, she’s got some nice drip and always shows up in a nice fit.

Tayshia also has this natural and unintentional seductive energy that draws the guys to her in a close and comfortable way. It’s a warm, intimate energy that consistently gives each guy the feeling that they’re the only one in the house that matters to her in those brief moments that they get to spend together. [cue Journey Precious Time]

That said, this is going to be a fun problem to watch. Every guy walks away from time with Tayshia thinking “she loves me” when the reality is “she (thinks you’re nice but) loves you not”. There are likely going to be some seriously blind-sided grown-ass men becoming sobbing man-children.

[Cue The Temptations Just My Imagination (Runnin’ Away With Me)] I also think there’s something in the fact that Tayshia gave Chasen, Ed and Noah roses, in effect rewarding all of their bad behaviors. She says, “I trust my intuition and my gut.” Hmmm . . . methinks her radar isn’t very accurate and because of that, drama will ensue.

Bring it.

P.S. This episode’s viewing wine: the high quality-to-price ratio Substance Cabernet.


[1] Smokeshow??? Really?

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