Crying? Who’s Crying?


So, was me getting all up in my feelings was what Chris Harrison had in mind with his (annual) breathless, “TONITE ON THE SHOCKING SEASON FINALE OF THE BACHELORETTE!?”

They even brought back the taxi!

I’m coming undone. Undone is something I don’t do outside of the right music.

“Dude, when you see the hotties in Paradise, you’ll be like, ‘Tayshia who?'”

So how did we get here? Well it began with Chris telling poor Ivan, “I’ll see you in Paradise.” That’s not what he really said but it’s what My Daughter Diandra (MDD) said he was thinking[1]. All that remained was for the surprise of Tayshia pulling him aside to do the breakup away from the guys. There was foreshadowing of this on Monday night – and I’m upset I didn’t mention it – when she said they talked about religious beliefs during their Fantasy Suite date. The mention of religion is a common tell on the franchise about incompatibility and it was one of the reasons Tayshia gave for the breakup. What wasn’t said was that she really wasn’t feeling it and the religion thing was a conveniently true reason so that she didn’t have to actually say she really wasn’t feeling it.

And, yes, there was the brief return of Ben which I knew was going to be brief. The best part of his return was how happy Ivan and Zac were to be reunited with him.

But sure enough, Tayshia brings herself to break the news to Ben before his potential proposal that her heart was with somebody else.

All that was really left was this – how do the evil genius producers create tension? Every good story from romance to sports needs tension. Tension creates engagement. Inevitability is boring. The viewer needs to feel moments of uncertainty to see how that uncertainty is going to be resolved.

It was pretty clear from the start that Zac was a leading contender. Nothing all season changed that and the closer we got to the end, the more obvious it was from watching he and Tayshia together that he was her person and vice-versa.

(Side note: MDD insightfully observed that on their last date together she wore all white.)

Some of that tension was created with Chris Harrison’s intro of THE SHOCKING SEASON FINALE OF THE BACHELORETTE![2] And THE SHOCKING SURPRISE THAT WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING! I clearly missed that latter shock but the point is the tension seed was planted. The previews – NEVER trust the previews, people! – had Tayshia crying and her dad giving a stern but caretaking, fatherly warning. Again, we know better but the previews had us on the lookout which is enough.

The real tension began during the dancing date with Zac[3] – by this time he’s the last man standing but doesn’t know it yet – when Tayshia is clearly distracted by her painful divorce memories and her dad’s caretaking warning in her head. Ah, although she works those issues out, the seeds were planted enough that we’re still waiting for the bottom to fall out somewhere.

And then the proposal. When she says, “I know I told you I love you.” AND THEN SHE FREAKING PAUSES AND ALL OF BACHELOR NATION HAS A FREAKING COLLECTIVE MELTDOWN!!!!

See how those planted seeds of tension work?

The Evil Genius Producers admiring their malevolent work.

Of course, that last bit of tension was resolved by her saying lots of sincere mushy stuff. And Zac saying some seriously sincere mushy stuff. And the taxi.

No. I’m not crying. Some pepper got in my eye.

P.S. This episode’s viewing wine: Mascota Vineyards Unanime Malbec

P.P.S. MDD wanted to know if that ugly ring would get a face lift like Neil Lane did?

P.P.P.S. The Bachelor is coming in two weeks. I’m ready. MDD said she knows how much I live for the female drama LOL.

P.P.P.P.S. Stay on the lookout for my favorite music of 2020. Not sure if I’ll get that done before the The Bachelor Premiere, though.

[1] And said that I could quote her in the blog.

[2] Which was not at all shocking. It was unique in the sense that Tayshia broke up with the other two guys, one before the Rose Ceremony (Ivan); and the other before his proposal (Ben). But not at all shocking which is the point I’m making here. Other than me maybe shedding a tear or two.

[3] Good cross promotion with Dancing With the Stars. Future appearance for Tayshia?

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