Trying to Figure It Out

Tonight’s episode as a graphic novel.

The Evil Genius Producers not only sending in Kendall but already having a video package ready of her and Grocery Store Joe’s (GSJ’s) love connection in Paradise.

Me trying to figure out Kendall saying moving to Chicago was a dealbreaker for her and then being upset her and GSJ broke up over her dealbreaker.

Me and Serena trying to figure out if GSJ is over Kendall. Doesn’t sound like he’s figured it out. (cue VersaEmerge Figure It Out)

Me trying to figure out why the EGPs spent the first 30 minutes of the show on Kendall and GSJ without it amounting to much.

At least the Rehabilitated Noah and Everybody’s Girlfriend Abigail are OK. Whew. (cue Jermaine Jackson Let’s Get Serious)

Me trying to figure out how 40-year-old Kenny became the most sought-after guy on the beach, especially with an unattached Ivan is there.

Rather ironic that the boy band manager, whose job is often managing his talents’ girl-related dramas, finds himself the cause of the girl-related drama.

Me trying to figure out how blind Demi is to her own projections.

Me comparing and contrasting Brendan’s as-told-to-Natasha version of his relationship with Pieper to Pieper’s as-told-to-Natasha version of Brendan’s relationship with Pieper. (cue Three Dog Night Liar)

So Pieper and Brendan planned to be together in Paradise? To gain Instagram followers?

Me trying to figure out how we never knew what a sleazebag Brendan was. The gaslighting of Natasha was pure, unadulterated evil.

Me figuring the way-too-shamefully-honest conversations between Brendan and Pieper at the end were producer-sanctioned and were likely encouraged to be embellished.

Tonight’s viewing wine. On sale at Costco for . . . wait for it . . . $4.00.

See you tomorrow night.